You can't always get what you want.

Literally, just called my younger sister in the hospital. She was pregnant and they induced her labor because the fetus died. She was six months. I'm planning to see her soon. She already has a three year old and now this. I must admit I was a little jealous when I found out she was pregnant again because I felt like I should be having kids before my younger sister. As it stands, we're one for one. But for some reason this bummed me out...no humor this time, just kinda sad. And I feel terrible for my initial feeling. I feel really shitty. This pregnancy wasn't planned but everybody was really happy. Guess you can't always get what you want.

Why I Love White People.

I had an epiphany that I now share with whoever is reading this. I now know why I love white people: No matter what the situation or occasion, you MF'ers always know how to have a good time and I really appreciate that. I know you aren't supposed to say that outloud to others and being black you definitely aren't supposed to pick anything NOT black but yeah. It was one of those thoughts that entertained and delighted me today. I'm currently searching for a new apartment and when thinking about what parts of Cincy to live in, the racist thought occurred to me that I didn't wanna live near a TON of black people. A few is cool. I'm definitely not partial to any particular race. I hate everyone equally and I am suspicious of anyone living near me which is redundant and stupid when you live in the apartment setting but we humans are prone to err. Anyhoo, I've found myself looking for places in primarily white, middle-class areas and now I know why. I love white people and want to live near you...Granted some of you are crazy- Hitler, Jerry Lee Lewis, and Kate Gosselin to name three off the top of my head, but overall ya'll are alright.

Wedding Bells

One of my best friends from college is getting married Labor Day 2012 and my excitement is visibly waning. My wedding bells are becoming empty pie tins clanging against metal trash can lids. Luckily, I do not dislike her groom. Actually, I love anyone who's batshit enough to like Sarah; Let alone love and marry her. Anyway, some shit just hit the proverbial fan in my life and I really am not wanting to travel to Boston from Cincinnati, Ohio but like a bad song on the jukebox, this has to stop now. Again, my butt hole is puckered but my get up and go, got up and went. Long time ago.

MS is great.

Apparently my child thinks I am a 95 year-old woman when in all his six years of knowledge tells me after he sees a commercial that I need Lifeline and I can get it because I "fall a lot". Multiple Sclerosis has changed my life drastically and I am not even sure how to deal but I am definitely not ready for that. Even the thought is so morbid I struggle...If I fall THAT hard where I can't get up, I don't wanna get up. Let me die. A button to alert authorities? Absolutely not. I probably shouldn't think that way, but I do. MS is great. It is very tough. When my NP first told me the diagnosis and how expensive MS is; I told her, we could end it for cheap with a bullet and a shotgun. I still feel that way, a year later. Too bad, I think I'm supposed to learn something out of all this. I don't know but a Lifeline NOT it.

A Good Man

My latest relationship has taken a major turn for the positive and I have to blog about Dustin. Like he does things without asking, ahead of time, which I think is fantastic having a motivational coach, manager, lover, and comedian in one person. He is the sweetest, kindest male version of myself that I've ever met. I truly love him. Not to mention, I am always laughing, if I am not annoyed by something neurotic he's doing. One of the funniest; Probably the moment I fell in love was when I referred to my leg with severe foot drop as my "Lt. Dan Leg " and he proceeded to tell me I need sensitivity training because he didn't have his real legs through half the movie of Forrest Gump .. I can't believe he was right under my nose and we didn't meet until now. In retrospect, I guess, it happened when we needed each other the most...

Bowie The First Time

I've finally quantifiied that listening to a Bowie song for the first time is like your first sexual experience, provided it was an extremely plesant experience. The anticipation, the excitement knowing your world is about to change... Moonstruck Daydream The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars. 1972.

Recent Diagnosis

The other day felt pretty good so I think I'll be doing this more often. I have a ton to write about, the most important being my recent diagnosis of MS and the new complications it brings. The toughest being whether to relocate to San Diego, which I already love or stay in Cincinnati, Ohio and let my kid grow up near his dad. I'm not an idiot. Staying would only be for a little while. I definitely need a new scene but cooperation is muy importante especially since we aren't together and never will be again. Ah, decisions decisions.