MS is great.

Apparently my child thinks I am a 95 year-old woman when in all his six years of knowledge tells me after he sees a commercial that I need Lifeline and I can get it because I "fall a lot". Multiple Sclerosis has changed my life drastically and I am not even sure how to deal but I am definitely not ready for that. Even the thought is so morbid I struggle...If I fall THAT hard where I can't get up, I don't wanna get up. Let me die. A button to alert authorities? Absolutely not. I probably shouldn't think that way, but I do. MS is great. It is very tough. When my NP first told me the diagnosis and how expensive MS is; I told her, we could end it for cheap with a bullet and a shotgun. I still feel that way, a year later. Too bad, I think I'm supposed to learn something out of all this. I don't know but a Lifeline NOT it.

A Good Man

My latest relationship has taken a major turn for the positive and I have to blog about Dustin. Like he does things without asking, ahead of time, which I think is fantastic having a motivational coach, manager, lover, and comedian in one person. He is the sweetest, kindest male version of myself that I've ever met. I truly love him. Not to mention, I am always laughing, if I am not annoyed by something neurotic he's doing. One of the funniest; Probably the moment I fell in love was when I referred to my leg with severe foot drop as my "Lt. Dan Leg " and he proceeded to tell me I need sensitivity training because he didn't have his real legs through half the movie of Forrest Gump .. I can't believe he was right under my nose and we didn't meet until now. In retrospect, I guess, it happened when we needed each other the most...

Bowie The First Time

I've finally quantifiied that listening to a Bowie song for the first time is like your first sexual experience, provided it was an extremely plesant experience. The anticipation, the excitement knowing your world is about to change... Moonstruck Daydream The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars. 1972.

Recent Diagnosis

The other day felt pretty good so I think I'll be doing this more often. I have a ton to write about, the most important being my recent diagnosis of MS and the new complications it brings. The toughest being whether to relocate to San Diego, which I already love or stay in Cincinnati, Ohio and let my kid grow up near his dad. I'm not an idiot. Staying would only be for a little while. I definitely need a new scene but cooperation is muy importante especially since we aren't together and never will be again. Ah, decisions decisions.

WTF has happened to us?

I haven't used this in three years but I had to say something. I was on Youtube trying to watch "Smells Like Teen Spirit" because it's still one of my favorite videos. I remember literally being a kid and being mezmorized by the anarchy taking place. Then came the unfortunate part. Two people started a fight about Nirvana and Miley Cyrus and who stole what from whom. If you were actually alive then, Nirvana was supposed to and did take over the world, you should be vomiting. Even if it isn't your "music". Then someone commented that Justin Bieber has more followers on Twitter so he must be the better artist. I almost wet myself. How dumb and pathetic have we become that muscianship is based "Twitter" followers? If you are old enough to remember a world before any of this existed or mattered, you should be asking yourselves "WTF has happened to us?". And if you are any older than that you should be shooting anyone under 40 in the face with a nail gun. Myself included. Please?

It Ain't 15 Minutes of FAME but 14:59 is Pretty Close...

So as Syraaj (The Alpha Male) and I were being the sweetest couple ever while lying in bed sending electronic data back and forth through our laptops, (Yeah, we're that lame) we came up With the idea of creating our own magazine. I guess technically it'd be an E-Zine. I digress.

The idea that the advent of technology has allowed us to become self-made celebrities. YouTube alone attracts millions of viewers who could, can, and do post daily accounts of their lives, memories, and random laughing German baby videos-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5P6UU6m3cqk. This little tidbit of cinematic history has attracted over 80 millions viewers alone.

As much as we progressive individuals like to think we are, I think a little kid in all of us want to be famous if even for a moment. Most people would take fame and prospective fortune over a lot of other "What's behind Door # 3 prize" .

While pondering these thoughts, Syraaj created the cover to the supposed magazine 'Polight Gestures' which features me giving him the middle-finger in a Photoshop-ed layover with notable magazine topics like "How many kids does Lara Croft have now?" and "Can dyslexic people read upside down?- We can't answer that".

I think it's absolutely hilarious and enormously fulfilling to watch people exploit themselves in the "YouTube, Google-It, Take a Video on my camera phone and Twitter you about it later" Culture we now drown in.

As I type, I can help but wonder if this blog itself in its self-righteous principles to uphold "Edward R. Murrow" standards of concrete journalism could be a little self-serving and 14:59 minutes of literary fame.

I Know...Isn't it Great?

Children should design social experiments

So I went to a birthday party last week and I took my son with me. The party was for my friend Kim and in the spirit of celebration we all wore sombreros, mustaches, and made hot chocolate with tequila. The fiesta complete with guacamole and all the flour tortillas we could handle was a fun theme party that had the most dedicated individuals I'd ever witnessed. A good time was had by all and on the car ride home my 3 year-old tells me that it was a "really fun party".

Considering he didn't get any spiked hot chocolate, I'm glad he was able to have such a good time. The next day he wakes up bright-eyed and asks if he can wear his mustache to daycare. I laugh explaining that it was just for the party and he doesn't have to wear it all the time but he wanted to. It really got me to thinking about how much balls kids have. They are bold and daring and could care less if anyone minds their eye makeup pencil mustache.

I think children should design social experiments. All those embarrassing things adults fear like social awkwardness, elevators, random I'm-trying-to-pass-you- but-you -keep-moving-the-same-way- I do-in-the-hallway dances, children embrace. My son held no fear of being ridiculed for his fake mustache. It was something he thought was awesome and he was gonna own that.

I love that attitude. It was a reality check for me. So often so many people are afraid to do anything for fear of what others will think of them. children see through all of that. They have the purest train of intention and thought. I'm actually convinced that in life, you're born knowing everything and slowly through the process of socialization you are striped of some of your intuition and your inclination to take risks.

...And a child shall lead them.